it's a sign
I’ve long considered myself a decisive person.
List the pros, list the cons, make a choice.
A “trust-your-gut” girlie, even.
So it’s weird that I’m now finding myself standing between a few choices that I need to make, scratching my head. Every minute my mind changes. One minute a potential option seems like just what I want, and then the next, another option becomes the obvious clear choice.
My ability to see a situation from all sides, make a decision, and move forward accordingly seems to have left my being and I feel like I’m navigating things with an upside down map. It’s not like I’m lost, but my way forward seems to be filled with a lot of backtracking and re-navigating over and over and over again.
On Thursday, I ventured to an old neighborhood favorite coffee shop to read for a bit (a true perk of being unemployed - you can just read in the middle of the day!) and caught a conversation a few tables away from me. I didn’t hear what led up to this part, but a guy in his 20’s who I gathered was a musician and signed to some label but looked very chill said something along the lines of, “Yeah, so then I just started looking for the number 22 and it showed up everywhere. I saw it every day.”
Later on as I was walking to the subway, my brain decided to change its mind on my options again and I thought back to the kid from the coffee shop: What if I looked for a sign to help me stick to a decision?
Being a planner, and maybe a recovering control freak, that kind of thinking isn’t my go-to strategy, but I was feeling desperate to get off the merry-go-round that I’d been confined to. Looking for a sign is what I think people who believe in an omnipresent God find relief in when they decided to “pray on it” or accept an unfavorable outcome as “God’s will.” I used to bathe in that sort of biblical comfort, so I understood the beauty of contorting your mind to believe something you weren’t entirely sure of and I was game to tap into that feeling again.
On the G train headed towards Church Ave, I scrolled through Spotify to find something to listen to after my podcast ended. My Release Radar is usually hit or miss and I rarely intentionally open it, but I did, hoping to be surprised. I scanned the playlist and a song stood out to me that I instantly decided was THE SIGN: I Stay Lucky by A Beautiful Chorus.*
They lyrics were succinct and direct, everything you want in a sign:
“I stay lucky. Everything is always working out for me.”
Who knows if this is the best way to go about making a decision, but at least I’m no longer going in circles.
Get this week’s playlist here.
Friends, I hope if you need a sign that you find it this week. <3
Meghan
*PS - this song will not be on the playlist because the group A Beautiful Chorus has inadvertently ended up as my top artist every year in my Spotify Wrapped. Their music is my go-to anxiety relief and this year I’m determined to not let the algorithm memorialize it. 🤪