magic on sunday: brace yourself

i caught myself doing something this week.

something, i realized, that i’ve been doing subconsciously for a long time.

it’s silly, really.

i bought a yogurt and as i sat down at my desk to eat it, i cautiously peeled back the lid expecting mold. this, i realized, happens every time i open a yogurt. a slow, timid apprehension, as if i’m opening one of those clown cans that snakes fly out of. i’m expecting to be disappointed, a spoiled meal and a dollar something down the drain.

when i caught myself doing this dance on friday, i had a laugh, and then tried to pinpoint how this became ingrained in my psyche. i guess it was years ago on a bus from dc to nyc (or vice versa, i’ve done that trip a million times), i bought a chobani yogurt for my 5 hour ride. when i peeled back the lid, i was greeted with giant green moldy polka dots. i’m a recovering picky eater, but mold still freaks me out to the point of revulsion. and here i was, stuck on a bus without anything to eat.

that trip was years ago, but the experience of it has somehow planted itself deep in my mind. it’s silly, but also kind of insane - every time i have a yogurt (which is pretty much every day), i’m bracing for a mini traumatic experience.

while that’s a bit dramatic, i didn’t realize my capacity to create, believe, and hold on to a story based upon one sour experience. i’m on the lookout for that sort of thinking now, especially in the areas of my life where new things are happening - embracing it with open arms, free of the judgement from past experiences.

fingers crossed.

magic on sunday: 02.04.18
pencils - anima!
rat of the city - sidney gish
me, again - boyo
lake superior - the arcs
rose knows - allison crutchfield
hear her - holy

until sunday,

meghan

[magic on sunday archive]
[follow me on spotify]
[listen to the mega mix]