unexpected reciprocity

A few weeks ago, I posted a note reveling in the joy of having a solo day with my baby girl and just deeply delighting in it. It’s like a light bulb switched on for the first time in my motherhood chapter that said, “Oh, we’re finally having fun together!”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had fun with her since the beginning, but this is a different type of fun. I’m in a metal and emotional state that allows me the space to notice it. I mentioned in my last post, but this current chapter is providing the most breathing room I’ve had postpartum. There isn’t breastfeeding, erratic sleep schedules, major transitions like returning to work, or starting solids swirling around in my brain and feeding my anxiety. For the first time, everything is feeling a bit more settled and grounded. Without all that noise, it’s been easier to notice the delights of parenthood, like the one I mentioned in my note.

But what I think might be most significant is the gem that

Julie Laufer

replied with:

When I read Julie’s reply, I think I short circuited for a moment as I tried to process the significance of what she was saying.

My kid and I have a relationship.

Like, we have inside jokes! One of which I’m going to attempt to explain, and it is going to sound absolutely banal to many, but those who know a child at 18 months will get it.

Zora is sitting at her highchair, sipping water from her Funtainer (yes that’s the actual brand name of her water bottle). I have an empty water glass.

Zora looks at me and says, “Momma water??”

Being the silly momma I am, I reply in a crying voice, “Momma doesn’t have any water!”

She burst out laughing like I’ve just closed down the house at a Madison Square Garden comedy show.

“Momma water!?!?!” she asks again laughing and taking it up a notch.

I happily repeat my line, really wanting to deliver. “Momma doesn’t have any water!”

We laugh and clumsily clank our cups together.

Now, every few days when we’re sitting down for a meal, whether I have a glass in front of me or not, she’ll look at me with a slight smile and eyes that are already in on the joke, and we make ourselves laugh about my unfortunate water situation.

Now at 18 months, Zora can help me make a smoothie in the mornings and we’ve got a whole shared ritual around it. She stands in her kitchen tower, I measure out the frozen fruit and the oat milk, she very clumsily and haphazardly dumps it into the blender. I add the protein powder, yogurt, and peanut butter, and always give her the spoon to lick afterwards. It’s a mess and it’s not perfect, but it’s setting the foundation of the ways in which I hope we can continue to act as a team as she grows up.

When it’s time to blend the ingredients, I hold her in my arms, she counts down from three, and we watch our shared concoction turn into a “smooodie.” Once it’s ready, I stick a straw in it and we sit together, either on the kitchen floor or the couch. Zora has somehow come to think that all smoothies in the household are hers, so I have to slip in a few “Momma’s turn?” requests. She always generously thrusts her smoothie my way.

For an 18 month old, Zora is wildly verbal. Like a parrot, she will repeat any word or phrase she hears, she can sing her ABCs, and knows how to ask us to request a song on the Alexa. This week she picked up the phrase, “Absolutely not!” which I’m certain came straight from my mouth. The fact that her and I can have actual conversations, sing songs together, she can ask me to play with her, and can tell me what book she wants to read (always I Met a Moose in Maine One Day) has brought reciprocity into our dynamic for the first time.

While I didn’t hate the newborn phase, and every phase since then has had its own slice of wonder, I wish someone had told me that around 18 months things would get extra special. That my daughter and I would begin to form a new bond, with it’s own language, rituals, and rhythm. And perhaps even more gratifying, at a year and a half in, a lot of the “fun” parts about being a mom - dance parties in the living room, art class on the weekends, hanging out with mom friends while our kids play together - would start to really shine through.

Life with a toddler isn’t all sunshine and roses, but I’m soaking this moment up for as long as I can.

Get this week’s playlist here. <3

Sending you all a ton of love this week,

Meghan